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My Husband Hit Me, What Should I Do?

My Husband Hit Me: First Time my Spouse Hit Me, What To Do?

If your husband hit you, you should start making a plan to safely leave this abusive relationship. Living in an abusive relationship, specifically an abusive marriage, can have detrimental effects on mental health. Here at Alina’s Light, we provide information to victims, aiming to shine light on the darkness of domestic abuse, which many women and men face in their lives.

Understanding Domestic Abuse: Mental Health Effects and Your Husband’s Actions

One of the most complex aspects that victims often have to deal with is understanding why their spouse chooses to exert violence – whether it is a husband’s abuse or anyone else in their close circle.

When a husband hits his wife, it is crucial that victims understand this is a sign of domestic violence. Statements like ‘my husband hit me’ should never be normalized as they indicate a clear presence of abuse in your relationship.

Domestic violence and abuse can take a heavy toll on a victim’s mental health. The cycle of love, violence, apologies, and honeymoon periods often confuses victims making it difficult to make sense of their reality. It’s a tragic ordeal, particularly when it’s your spouse, the person you’ve chosen to share your life with, causing such harm.

At Alina’s Light, our goal is to provide some advice, tools, and resources needed to navigate safely out of these dangerous environments and towards a healthier life. We believe in empowering victims of domestic violence, and encourage you to step out of the abusive relationship, as we stand with you every step of the way. Don’t let your relationship become a never-ending tragedy – there’s always a way out, and we’re here to help you find it.

Step by Step Action Plan

We know you’re going through an incredibly tough time right now, and we’re so sorry you have to experience this. No one should ever have to endure abuse, especially from someone they love. We’re here to help guide you through this dark time, step by step. You’re not alone, and you’re stronger than you think.

Step 1: When You acknowledge the Reality: The Hit, The Personal Struggles, and ‘God, Why?’ Question

First off, let’s be real. You’ve been hit by your husband, and that’s not okay. It’s easy to make excuses for him or even blame yourself, but let’s cut through that noise. This is abuse, plain and simple, and you don’t deserve it. You’re not at fault here, no matter what he or anyone else says.

When you acknowledge this reality, it feels as if time has stood still. With this chilling revelation comes a wave of personal things that hit hard: fear, disbelief, and the heart-wrenching hurt that your spouse, your partner in love, has hurt you.

“Why?”, a question many women find themselves asking. It’s their cry for understanding, a plea for answers in a world that suddenly feels so distorted. The hits are not just physical; they take a toll on the soul, leaving many women yearning for safety and peace they once knew. Every time the memory resurfaces, it strikes a blow more potent than the last, perpetuating a cycle hard to break away from.

Step 2: Prioritize Your Immediate Safety

Your safety is the most important thing right now. If you’re in immediate danger, don’t hesitate—call the police or local law enforcement. Get yourself to a safe space, even if it’s a neighbor’s house or a nearby store. Document any injuries using your phone; these could be crucial if you decide to take legal action later.

Step 3: Seek Support

You don’t have to go through this alone. Reach out to friends or family you trust. If you’re worried about judgment or gossip, there are confidential hotlines and support groups that can help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7, and they’re just a call or text away. You’re not the first person to go through this, and sadly, you won’t be the last. But there’s strength in numbers and in shared experiences.

Step 4: Consult Professional Help

We can’t stress this enough—talk to a professional. Therapists and counselors can provide you with the emotional tools to start healing. They can also help you understand the cycle of abuse, which can be eye-opening. For example, many victims don’t realize that emotional manipulation is a form of abuse until they talk it through with a professional.

Step 5: Legal Steps

We know it’s daunting, but consider talking to a lawyer. They can guide you through the maze of restraining orders, divorce papers, and custody battles. It’s not just about the here and now; it’s about safeguarding your future. You might not want to think about pressing charges, but it could prevent him from harming you—or someone else—again.

Step 6: Plan for the Long-Term

This is a marathon, not a sprint. Start thinking about your long-term safety. If you’re financially dependent on him, look into job opportunities or educational programs. Some organizations even offer financial planning classes for survivors of domestic abuse. It’s all about taking back control of your life.

Step 7: Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is crucial. Make very clear what you won’t tolerate and stick to it. If he crosses the line, have a plan in place, whether it’s calling the police or staying with a friend. Boundaries aren’t just physical; they’re emotional and psychological too. For instance, if he tries to manipulate you into thinking the abuse is your fault, that’s a boundary he’s crossing, and it’s not okay.

Can your marriage survive this?

After taking these significant steps, you might be grappling with a mix of emotions and questions, including whether your marriage can survive this traumatic event. It’s a tough question and the answer isn’t straightforward. While change is possible, it’s a long and difficult process that requires the abuser to fully acknowledge their actions and work diligently to make amends.

What about forgiveness?

Forgiveness is another complex layer in this journey. It’s often essential for your emotional well-being but remember, forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the abuse. Individual counseling can offer a safe space to explore these complicated feelings, helping you to move forward, whether that means staying in the marriage or leaving.


The stories we hear of countless women who’ve been in the exact same place serve as a grim reminder of this widespread issue. They share their stories with us, not for sympathy, but to inspire others to never settle for a love that hurts, for a love that hits. It isn’t an easy choice to disclose something so personal. The fear of judgment, unwanted questions and unsolicited advice every time this topic is brought up can add to the unique struggle each woman faces. This isn’t about assigning blame, this is about standing up for oneself and setting a boundary, a policy of safety and respect.

Just remember, you’re not alone, even if it feels that way right now. There are numerous resources and support systems, including us at Alina’s Light, to guide you through these challenging times. You deserve love, respect, and most importantly, a life free from fear. Remember, it’s not your part to fix someone who continually hurts you. Your duty is to yourself, to heal and to feel safe again.

About Alina’s Light

We’re Alina’s Light, a non-profit organization committed to shining a light on the darkness of domestic abuse. Our mission is inspired by Alina, a beautiful soul taken from us too soon. We’re passionate about helping people just like you. So, please, check out our website, follow us on Facebook or Instagram as we shine Alina’s Light by raising awareness and educating women all over. Read Alina’s story. It’s heartbreaking but fuels our mission every single day.

With all our love and support,

Alina’s Light


Q1: My husband says it’s my fault he hit me. Is it?

Absolutely not. No one asks to be hit or abused. It’s a tactic abusers use to shift the blame. You might feel like you provoked him somehow, but violence is never a valid response to any situation.

Q2: If she shares her experiences with domestic abuse with me, how should I reply to offer support?

If she confides that her husband hit her, it’s essential to provide support and offer relationship advice. Listening to her and empathizing with her experiences, in my opinion, is crucial. I would encourage her to seek professional help and to reach out to domestic abuse organizations or therapists, emphasizing that her well-being is the top priority. Suggesting that she consider reporting any incidents to the authorities for her safety is also a vital part of the advice I would offer.

Q3: What if I’m financially dependent on my spouse?

We get it; financial dependence is a huge obstacle. But there are resources out there to help you gain financial independence. From job training programs to emergency funds for survivors, options are available. You don’t have to stay trapped because of money.

Alina's Light

Alina’s Light, Inc.

P.O. Box 15511
Pittsburgh, PA 15244-1001

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